Long journey ends in 1st-time motherhood at 45
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| Photo credit: © David Cooper / Toronto Star - All rights reserved |
Max, a chubby-cheeked, eight-pound boy with a shock of strawberry blond hair, arrived on a crisp November afternoon.
Just shy of nine months earlier, 45-year-old Daryl Peddar had given motherhood one final chance.
For the past six years, Peddar and her husband, Andrew, had been struggling to start a family.
They had gone through five failed rounds of assisted reproduction, two painful pregnancy losses and at one point, given up altogether.
It is very disheartening when nothing seems to be working. We had basically decided this was the last time we would try for a baby,Peddar said of their final attempt through in vitro fertilization (IVF).
We thought, if it did not work, then it was obviously not meant to be.
This Pregnancy Over 40 story was found on TheStar.com
Read more: Long journey ends in first-time motherhood at 45
Originally posted on January 3, 2012.
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Happy for the Peddar family after their struggle to conceive, but worry about the son and the pressures he will face later in life due to having older parents; possibly deceased parents as he hits his mid-20's. Obviously choosing to have children later in life insinuates that these folks will have their Max well looked after financially but money isn't everything. No parent/s to walk him down the aisle (unless he rushes his marriage in hopes that his parents participate in the ceremony), no siblings to celebrate his life accomplishments or assist with the care of his parents as they age, even emotionally. Perhaps they won't be there to see him graduate post-secondary schooling and certainly won't be very agile, or again even alive, to see Max have a family of his own. This is a decision that came about a bit late and only Max will experience how bad a decision it was as he becomes an adult. Really anytime after age 40, a women (and her partner) must take a step back and think how this will affect their child. He will now be pressured to fulfill many things in life too soon so that his parents can be included. Accidents happen and you make the best of what your dealt but this was a decision this family choose. One can only hope that he has lots of cousins and other family members close to his age living nearby so that he has a support group/family that he is very close to. Selfishness comes in all forms. Even when you think you are doing what is best sometimes in retrospect you can see how wrong you were. That is why having children late in life is a huge decision that needs to be thought about and discussed not only amongst the parents to be but also with other family members that will need to be there so the child can prosper past his parents death.
Many people have fears about older parents dying young, and yes, it is certainly a risk. I get the feeling that people think you turn 60 and are sitting in a rocking chair, senile and in diapers!
Recently my father-in-law (70), his son (51), son-in-law (67), and brothers (67 & 79) built a garage, from the ground up, climbing up onto the roof and all. I know several young men that would not be able to do that!
People nowadays are living longer and healthier, but even with health problems they are having full and active lives.
My own mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 54, and is still with us, healthy and strong at 81 years old. Max will be 36 if his mom lives that long.
My aunt is a diabetic, blind and still gets around on her own, lively and quick. She is 89 years old, Max will be 48 if his mom lives that long.
I met two laughing men in the grocery store one day, full of fun and enjoying life! It was one of the men's 99th birthday! Max will be 54 if his mom lives that long.
"having children... is a huge decision that needs to be thought about and discussed not only amongst the parents to be but also with other family members that will need to be there so the child can prosper past his parents death."
So true for any child - no one knows what tomorrow will bring. I know young mothers that died at 16, 21, 32 years of age - leaving little children behind.
All anyone can do is love them well while we cane and prepare for any eventualities. No matter what age we become a parent...
my mother was 46 when she had me and my father died when i was 4yrs old ,mum never had much money but i had the best one you could ask for she died aged 88 yrs of cancer that took her after only five weeks,before that she could run rings round most of my friends younger mums it dose not matter what age you are when your mum dies if you love her to bits, shes still your mum its nearly 4yrs since she died and not a day goes by when i do not think of her ,so dont worry about your age if you know you can love and care xx
Foretelling that Max's parents will die before he hits 30 is pretty damn pessimistic. My guess is that they're pretty healthy people and have no greater chance of dying in the next 25 years than "anonymous" has of being killed in a car accident.
I'm 44 and have a 1 year old. My own mother was 45 when I was born, and my father was 51. My dad was alive (and very healthy, lively, and downright funny) for my wedding when I was 30.
I had a friend whose (young) parents were so irresponsible she overdosed on meth and died while her (young) parents were at a party. Did I mention they were young?
I agree there are considerations to be made in the interest of the kid's future, but I don't believe that parenting should fall exclusively to the young. It should be to the wise, experienced, and responsible. I liked the last line or two of "anonymous" comment - about planning ahead and providing the means for your child to prosper. That advice is good for every single parent in the world.